Adam trying to go voluntarily comatose while our daughter and her bestie discuss their favorite condom brands: 😂 Not that I wasn't...

Cathleen and I met in a dreadful fashion on the first day of first grade at Pleasant Hill Elementary school in Austin, Texas.  Our teacher,

How refinancing a mortgage is equivalent to anal rape; why I need to burn my daughter's school to the ground; heartburn is not a sign to

Add this to the list of things that suck about getting old: Barnacles of life. I swear to God, this is a real thing - look it up. Here,...

All the emotions during my daughter's future college campus as told with GIFs.

Did I ever tell you about the time I met a nearly-naked Kevin Costner in his living room? Here's how it happened. Let's hop in the...

Dear Menopause, Look, you fucking cunt-faced bag of rabid dicks, I’m calling you out. Show up and fight me like a woman. You’ve been...

Claritin D is a psychoactive hallucinagen for me. It's the D part that does it and I'm starting to suspect that it always has. Which...

At 2 a.m. this morning, I was awakened by dozens of tiny but annoying stabbing sensations in my butt and I reached down under the covers to

This is a noseprint that Gemma left on the mirror behind my bedroom door and what  I clearly see scrawled in doggy snot is  "I ❤️ U&quo

Yesterday my darling Great Dane puppy, Gemma Junebug, died during her spay surgery. This is a tribute to her and the amazing light she broug

I wore my pink pussyshirt (not a knitter so I had to substitute pussyshirt for pussyhat), AND I wore my Mother Fucking Girl Power socks....

Wife: "I found this cute little dog outside... he' scared. I'm going to bring him inside. He seems cold." Husband: THAT

Mom sent me the perfect card a few months after she died.  In addition to losing Mom, we had just lost our house and our business to the Gre